SCIENTOLOGY RENOUNCES JOHN TRAVOLTA.
California – The church of Scientology has today declared that John Travolta’s membership of the religion has been revoked.
“He’s got nothing to do with us”, said chief Scientologist David Miscavige:
I’ve informed all members that they should break contact with Mr Travolta and if they bump into him, they should just look the other way and pretend he’s not there.
A prominent member of the Church who wished to remain nameless said Travolta has had this coming for a while:
He’s just a strange guy and having him around is bad for PR. I mean let’s be honest, Scientology is creepy enough and the last thing it needs is some face-touching weirdo on the books. We’ve talked about making him ‘disappear’ numerous times but he’s too much of a public figure. We can get away with that kind of thing if the person isn’t well known but people would notice he was missing.
Travolta’s reputation has sunk to such depths that even the billion year old soul of the alien spirit currently inhabiting his body has had enough:
F*ck this for a game of soldiers. I’m off to posses Kurt Russell.