Monday 28 September 2020
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HOLLYWOOD – Scientists warned today that the marriage of media mogul Rupert Murdoch with leggy model Jerry hall could have serious consequences were the two ever to reproduce.

When Rupert Murdoch announced his engagement to Jerry hall the world joined hands in a warm outpouring of love and celebration. Palestinians, Israelis, Shia and Sunni Muslims, Russians and Turks organised a series of street parties the world over to celebrate some of them involving tightrope walking, funny clowns and a juggler who juggles with different colored pieces of silk. However, top government scientist Dorothy Parker today warned that should the two ever reproduce the consequences could be disastrous.

She spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec about her concerns:

No one is happier than I am  about the news that Jerry and Rupert are going to finally tie the knot. In this tired old cynical world it’s the kind of news that makes you want to say hello to strangers and invite them into your house for some cold chicken, or a yogurt with berries.

And yet you say there is a danger?

Yes, I’m afraid so. Theoretically Rupert Murdoch and Jerry Hall could produce off-spring. As a geneticist I would be very curious about this from a scientific point of view but we are also running a grave risk.

Surely, you’re overstating it. 

I’m afraid not. Initially, you might think that if the baby inherits Rupert’s brain and Jerry’s body, you might easily consider that a candidate for the first ever King of the Entire World. However, the danger that instead the baby would inherit Rupert’s body and Jerry’s brain is well…

Jerry Hall is a very intelligent woman. Doctor I’m surprised at you.

Okay. But picture this. Genetics doesn’t work in so clear cut a subdivision of organs. So what if we get Jerry Hall’s body but with Rupert Murdoch’s face and head on top?

Jesus H. Christ.


Rupert Murdoch and Jerry Hall are still getting married and everyone’s invited.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.


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