RYAN GOSLING TO PLAY THE MILLENNIUM FALCON

HOLLYWOOD – According to Latino Review housewives’ favourite Ryan Gosling has signed up to play the Millennium Falcon in Star Wars VII.

“He wanted to play Luke Skywalker’s son but he was a little stiff in the audition,” said an anonymous insider:

J.J. Abrams offered him the role of The Death Star but he was worried about bulking up for the role. The last time he put on weight was when he was fired from The Lovely Bones for being too fat and was replaced by Mark Wahlberg. He’s still wounded by the experience and who wouldn’t be?. Imagine being replaced by Mark f*cking Wahlberg! I’m still amazed Ryan didn’t blow his own brains out.

Gosling eventually convinced Abram’s he could play the Falcon by sending the director a short film he’d made himself:

It’s quite a piece of work. Ryan is naked in a black room with plastic stars on the walls and crudely drawn planets and constellations. It looks like he has something on his back and when the camera moves in for a close up you see he’s taped miniature Star Wars figures onto himself. For the next three hours he runs around the room pretending to be an aeroplane. It’s crazy but J.J. saw something in it he liked.

The casting of Gosling is welcome news for the production which has suffered a series of disappointments lately. Bradley Cooper had to decline the part of a Landspeeder due to scheduling differences and Leonardo DiCaprio injured his groin rehearsing for his role as an AT-AT Walker.

Star Wars VII is due for release in 2015

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