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Tuesday 16 October 2018
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RYAN GOSLING PLANTS FLAG IN THEATRICAL CUT OF FIRST MAN

RYAN GOSLING PLANTS FLAG IN THEATRICAL CUT OF FIRST MAN

New cut of First Man shows flag planting scene.

Following right wing outrage, a new cut of First Man will show Ryan Gosling’s Neil Armstrong planting the American flag on the Moon. Whiplash and La La Land director Damien Chazelle told the Studio Exec in an EXCLUSIVE interview:

“It’s petty and dumb but if they want they’re fricking flag it’s easier to give it to them than to listen to all this bullshit all over scene.”

When the film first showed at the Venice Film Festival, critics spontaneously vomited when they realized there wasn’t going to be a scene where someone stuck a flag pole in the lunar soil. Jake Stink tweeted: “This is bull crap. We didn’t go to the moon for the hell of it. We went there to put a flag there and stick it to the god darn Rooskies.”

The new scene shows Ryan Gosling screwing in the biggest American flag you’ve ever seen, and the beautiful stars spangled banner ruffling in the stern space winds. Donald Trump has welcomed the news. 

First Man will be in theaters now.

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