HOLLYWOOD – After years of hiding in the closet, Maximus himself, Russell Crowe, sensationally revealed to the Studio Exec he has been a practicing heterosexual for 33 years.
It’s the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning. As I’m eating my morning cereal I see vaginas swirling in my milk. If I’m working that day on a scene I’ll read the words and it looks like I’m concentrating, but all the while I’m thinking of vaginas. After that it’s lunch, vaginas. Then another scene; vaginas, dinner, vaginas, then I’m off to the pub for a manly beer and hopefully, some vagina. By the time I get home I’m exhausted but hey, you’re never too tired for vagina, mate.
There are lots of us. Of course, I can’t reveal any names, that wouldn’t be fair because some of them haven’t even told their families yet.
Well it’s no secret there’s a lot heterophobia in Hollywood. If you’re a young actor trying to climb the slippery pole of stardom and at your first casting session you say you’re straight. Well, let’s just say you better get used to waiting tables because you’re never going to get anywhere in this business but now that I’m established I thought it was my duty to come so other people might follow my lead.
Just as we were about to close the interview we told Russell that rumors had started on twitter that George Clooney was also about to come out as a hetero:
“Clooney?” said an amused Crowe.
Ha-Ha-Ha. That’s bloody funny,mate.
Russell Crowe will be next seen in Noah.