LONDON – After a fifty year search media mogul Rupert Murdoch is finally in possession of the fabled Ark of the Covenant.
Murdoch, who is said to have spent in the region of twenty million dollars trying to locate the religious relic said he was “Delighted.” that his quest had finally come to an end after what he called a “Long, hard but exceptionally rewarding journey.”
“Now my army of darkness will be unstoppable,” said a jolly Murdoch.
The Ark’s former owner, Dave Roundtree of Austin Texas had bought the object at a garage sale in 1997 and had been using it as a coffee table:
“It was a good, solid Ark and it really tied the room together,” said Mr Roundtree.
To be honest I didn’t want to sell it but then some guys turned up and threatened to murder my entire family unless I let it go. Even then I wasn’t convinced but in the end, my wife said it was for the best.
Murdoch will open the Ark live on Fox news on Sunday evening but some commentators are already questioning the wisdom of such a move:
“I’m not saying his head is going to explode but I’d have a mop and bucket on standby just in case,” said Pope Francis.
Meanwhile British betting firm William Hill have stopped taking bets after a mysterious man in a fedora placed a 5 million pound wager on Murdoch being destroyed:
“We accepted half the money in cash and half in golden idols,” said William Hill spokesman Don Flemming.
Our cashier asked him why he was willing to risk such a huge some of money and the guy just smiled enigmatically and said “Fortune and glory, kid. Fortune and glory.”