LONDON – The British Royal family have sensationally agreed to take part in the forthcoming Hunger Games: UK, a reality/survival show based on the popular Jennifer Lawrence franchise. Speaking exclusively to the Studio Exec, Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II outlined her reasons for joining the controversial new show.

A ‘no-brainer’ really. The UK has a terrible problem with poverty currently: people swarming, benefits being cut and the NHS under threat from my Government. All in all, there’s a ‘shit load’, as common parlance would have it, of poor, unhealthy, hungry folks out there who need to be culled a tad and who need quality Saturday night entertainment to take their mind off the grim reality of their lives. If you can call it a life. Ha ha ha!

So Your Highness, what is your actual involvement in the show?

Well, the show will be filmed on our Balmoral Estate in Scotland. So we’ll start with the Scots, thin the Northern herd a little before trying it down South. The ‘contestants’ will be released in the grounds and one and the rest of the family will hunt them down with whatever comes to hand. It should be riveting viewing, one’s informed. 

What do you think this will do for your public image?

Well it’s all about providing a new, honest and transparent perspective on what it’s like to be a Royal – one means, take it right back – how do you imagine Royal families became Royal? We hunt, we feed, we maintain. At one point, one’s ancestor had the biggest club and was willing to use it. It’s just going back to basics: ordinary people are the playthings of cruel, malevolent forces who see them as dancing flesh puppets. One thinks in the 21st Century one should just cut through the ‘bullshit’ (is one saying that right?) and celebrate what brings us together. Are you hungry?

Is that a trick question?

Ha! no, I won’t make you fight in the arena for lunch! One needs to see what the ratings are like before one starts hunting Americans. No, one’ll have one’s man prepare us some swan…TOM!

It was no surprise to realise that none other than Tom Hiddleston was on hand to provide us with some swan. Her Majesty ate hers raw, never taking her eyes off me. The Hunger Games: UK will air one week before the referendum on Scottish Independence. 

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Author: Soso Fantastico

Over yonder, having a ponder

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