robert de niro

NEW YORK – Taxi Driver and Deer Hunter actor Robert de Niro was arrested yesterday afternoon by NYPD police and is being held at an undisclosed location in what is being termed ‘protective custody’.

The arrest was made following a viewing of Luc Besson’s new film The Family in which Mr. De Niro once more tries his hand at ‘comedy’. A police spokesperson said:

We at the NYPD have been keen fans of Mr. De Niro ever since Mean Streets. His work over the years has accrued a diversity of roles but always with a seriousness and artistry that even today makes us collectively gasp. One only need think of Jake La Motta, Travis Bickle, Noodles, the young Don Corleone, or Louis Cypher in Angel Heart. He’s worked with some of the finest directors in the business: Cimino, Bertolucci, Kazan, Gilliam and of course Martin Scorsese.

 The spokesperson drew a breath in pain:

And so it is with great heartache that we have watched Mr. De Niro tread upon his former glory and we have been keeping an eye especially on Mr. Ben Stiller in this regard. After all the rubbish he has done recently, culminating in The Family, we have decided it will be better if Mr. De Niro is confined. Unfortunately, there’s nothing we can do about Grudge Match.

Police sources have hinted that the house arrest need not be permanent ‘should Marty Scorsese find a script they could do together’.

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