noomi rapace

COPENHAGEN – Riots swept through all the major cities of Denmark following the news that Noomi Rapace won’t be returning for the Prometheus sequel, Prometheus Covenant.

Seven Danish cities including the capital city Copenhagen were in flames last night as angry mobs reacted to the news that Noomi Rapace would not be returning as Dr. Elizabeth Shaw in the Prometheus sequel Prometheus Covenant. Ridley Scott gave the news in his trademark British beard, answering a direct question about her involvement with the reply:


This was later confirmed by Rapace herself who said that she had no plans to join the film, which is set to begin shooting in the next month. The news set off flash mobs which soon turned ugly and before you could say ‘pastry’ the normally phlegmatic Scandinavians were torching furniture shops and blowing up renewable energy hubs. Authorities attempted to calm the situation by screening Prometheus on state television to remind every one of how bad it was.

The Culture Minister Bertal Haarder told the Studio Exec:

I don’t understand this reaction. It’s crazy. To begin with Prometheus was a terrible film, sluggish with lots of moments that made no narrative since. And Secondly, Noomi Rapace is Swedish not Danish, so it can’t even be seen as a fit of nationalistic fervor.

Meanwhile riots have spread to France, Canada, Jordan and South Africa simply because of the news that the Prometheus sequel is going ahead anyway. The newly elected Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau spoke for many when he said:

No body wants this film. Nobody asked for it. And it is in danger of ruining the greatness of the original Alien movie. Why doesn’t Ridley Scott give the people what they really want? Matchstick Men 2!

Prometheus Covenant will be released in 2017.

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