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Sunday 18 August 2019
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RIDLEY SCOTT PROMISES TO RUIN ALIEN COMPLETELY

RIDLEY SCOTT PROMISES TO RUIN ALIEN COMPLETELY

LONDON – Today Ridley Scott vowed that he would ruin his breakthrough science fiction/horror hit  Alien completely, promising a further two Prometheus prequels.

Many had hoped that Prometheus had been greeted with such critical lukewarmth if not hatred that cinema-goers would nary be met with a follow up, but it appears today that Ridley Scott is determined to ruin his original Alien film in a fit of nihilistic loathing of the world. He popped into the Pinewood Studio Exec Bungalow yesterday to talk about it:

People always say to me, “oh Ridley Alien was great” or “Gee Ridley I really enjoyed Blade Runner”. Nobody mentions White Squall, Somebody to Watch Over Me, Black Rain or GI Jane. I made 1492 with not a single shot of CGI and Gerard Depardieu for Christ’s sake. What is the matter with these people? Why can’t they appreciate my whole Oeuvre?

Your what?

My Oeuvre Goddamn it! It’s what French directors have. For breakfast I think.

Oh.

So my plan is Blade Runner 2. There you go, you can stop going on about Blade Runner and Prometheus 2 and 3 and boom, Alien will start looking like something that isn’t that special. P. T. Anderson, God Bless him, tried to ruin two franchises in one go with his Alien V Predator films, but you need real skill to properly ruin films. And I’m your man.

Why do you hate the world so much? 

Because people are weird flesh bags and they open their mouths and massive word trains come out. No one appreciates me for the genius I am except me. Yesterday I got a Kinder Surprise. I opened it and the little plastic toy inside, well… it wasn’t a surprise anymore. I was totally expecting it.

Prometheus 2 and Prometheus 3 will be released in 2017 and 2019.

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