rian johnson

HOLLYWOOD – Speaking EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec, Rian Johnson revealed he will be sexing up Star Wars in his new stand alone movie.

Sex has always been a subject of some reticence in the Star Wars universe – from Princess Leia’s taped nipples to the dangers of incest – but all that is to change in Rian Johnson’s stand alone Star Wars film which the Looper director has declared is going to be ‘wall-to-wall copulation.’

Star Wars for me was a very adolescent discovery. I was into it as a boy and then going through puberty I started to ask questions, imagine things, situations, sexy situations if you will, on Jabba the Hutt’s slave barge for instance or slithering about in the trash compactor. Huh, huh.

Wow! So how is this going to effect the new film?

When I first talked to Kathleen [Kennedy, the producer] about the  film, she said she wanted my version to be the first NC-17 Star Wars picture. We talked about the various sexual fantasies we had about the Star Wars universe and she gave me carte very blanche.

So the story?

The story I can’t tell you too much about, except to say that I spent a lot of time re-watching Paul Verhoeven’s  Showgirls. As for the rest of it, we are going to have a sexy cantina scene. The Imperial Court is a bit like that scene in Eyes Wide Shut. And there are other uses for Droids which will finally reveal what we really mean when we talk about a ‘protocol droid’.

Star Wars: The Force Arouses will be released in 2016.


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