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Friday 30 October 2020
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RHYS IFANS MADE HIS OWN NAME UP ‘TO WIN A GAME OF SCRABBLE’

RHYS IFANS MADE HIS OWN NAME UP ‘TO WIN A GAME OF SCRABBLE’

CARDIFF – It was revealed today that actor, Welshman and comedy relief in Notting Hill, Rhys Ifans ‘made his own name up to win a game of Scrabble.’

You will know him as Hugh Grant’s funny flat mate Spike in the hilarious 1999 comedy film Notting Hill, but Rhys Ifans has been in other films as well, according to reports, and is even currently starring in a version of Under Milk Wood. But in an EXCLUSIVE interview with the Studio Exec Mr. Ifans – pronounced Ivewghy – confessed that his whole fame and career has been built on a precarious foundation and even his very name Rhys Ifans is a dirty lie that has stained his soul.

Tell me about the name Rhys. That’s a very interesting name. Did your mother give it to you?

No, there’s a funny story right there my lad. You see, I was at university see and I was playing Scrabble with some of my girlfriend’s friends and I was always very nervous of making a good impression and we were losing. They had just put down Xenophobe on triple word score and there was verily nothing that I could do about it. I had ‘RHSYIFASN’ and I couldn’t, not for the life of me, think of a word that that combination of letters, that veritable alphabet soup, could combine to produce so I put down Rhys Ifans.

What happened?

They were bloody furious. What’s that? they were all shouting. ‘Here, you can’t do that!’ But I said ‘I bloody well can’ and I told them that it was my name. I told them that it was my name and so I could. And I started adding up the score. I’m a big fellow and I won’t be crossed when I get baity. One of the them started saying that you couldn’t haven’t proper names in Scrabble and that it didn’t count, but by heaven I gave him such a look he crawled right back into his shell.

So you’ve been going around forcing journalists to learn how to spell Rhys Ifans and that’s not even your name.

No it isn’t. And I’ll tell you something else for afters. I’m not even bloody Welsh.

You’re in Under Milk Wood.

I know but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m actually from Croydon. You see all my life I’ve been a liar. Sometimes for the hell of it; other times for my own advantage. People say ‘Oh that’s just Rhys being difficult’ but even that’s a lie. I’m not even difficult. I’m a little fluffy bunny rabbit in reality, but I just act like a bastard to get everyone’s goat and because it makes good copy.

You could have had Syrians.

What?

Rhys Ifans. Syrians, double word score. Looks tasty. 

Shit.

Under Milk Wood is in theaters.

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