LEGEND – REVIEW – The Studio Exec called on two special reviewers to give their personal response to Tom Hardy’s latest London Gangster epic Legend.
What did you think of Legend, Ronnie?
Well Reggie, I thought it was a bit silly.
You what, Ronnie?
Yeah, a bit silly, Reggie.
Are you having a Turkish, Ronnie?
Nah, straight up, Reggie.
Are you saying that the film Legend, what I am in, is a bit silly, Ronnie?
I’m not inclined to repeat myself a second time, Reggie.
You’re taking liberties, Ronnie. The actor, Tom Hardy, is a bloody marvel.
Did you hear me disparage the actor, Tom Hardy, Reggie?
I never heard you disparage the actor, Tom Hardy, Ronnie, but by saying that the film Legend, what I am in, is a bit silly, you lead me to assume that the actor, Tom Hardy, is also a bit silly.
Well you know what I always say about assumption, don’t you Reggie?
Nah, what do you always say, Ronnie?
I always say that if you assume, I’m going to cut your fucking bollocks off, Reggie.
Cut my fucking bollocks off, Ronnie?
Your fucking bollocks, Reggie.
Fair enough. What did you think of The Martian, Ronnie?
Well I thought it was a masterpiece of modern cinema, Reggie. A spellbinding story of mankind’s ability to overcome the harsh realities of nature through the advancement of science and technology. It was undoubtedly a return to form for the director, Ridley Scott and now I am very much looking forward to the sequel to his extraordinary science fiction epic, Prometheus.
I’m going to cut your fucking bollocks off.
Legend and The Martian are on general release.