Are you interviewing yourself again?
Yes. Yes I am.
Because writing reviews is extremely dull, pointless and unsatisfying.
True dat. So what did you think of Ghostbusters?
It was alright. Entertaining enough for the first hour then it ran out of steam. Kate McKinnon was exceptionally charismatic and she was by far the biggest positive.
What did you think of the cameos?
Pointless, wasted, uninspired.
Anything else to add?
I’m pleased that it wasn’t the disaster a lot of people expected it to be but some of the generous reviews floating around are ridiculous. I still don’t understand the appeal of Kristen Wiig and Melissa McCarthy has been better. I can’t comment on Leslie Jones as I don’t know her previous work, but a lot of her jokes fell flat. Yes, there were some amusing moments but generally, the script was weak. I have no idea how many drafts were rejected before they settled on the one they shot but they chose…poorly.
So it’s not worth seeing?
You should see it for Kate McKinnon’s star-making turn alone. Also, it’s worth remembering that I am a man. If I was a woman watching four female action stars on the screen, my joy could easily overwhelm my critical faculties. I appreciate that. There are not enough female roles of this ilk and hopefully, this will lead to more.
What about men giving it four and five star reviews?
A bunch of f*cking idiots overcome with liberal guilt. If a reviewer on my staff gave Ghostbusters four stars, I’d slap them about the head. If they gave it five, you’d never find the body.
The final ghost was very poor and aiming the proton cannons at his crotch…well. Let’s just say there were little swipes at men all the way though and I look forward to the day a female driven movie doesn’t feel it has to play that game.
Great. Is that it?
Did I mention how good Kate McKinnon is?
I think I’m in love with her.
Well that’s going to piss off the militant feminists. Also, she’s a lesbian.
Can’t a hetrosexual man be in love with a lesbian?
Er…let me check the rulebook.
It’s like an unofficial social media rulebook that changes on a daily basis. So, it looks like a hetrosexual man professing his love for a Lesbian is not okay.
What if I just say that I like her very much?
Sorry, people will still think you’re weird and creepy.
What if I say I admire her because she’s very talented?
Hmm, they’ll think you’re just saying that.
So what can I say?
Absolutely nothing. You’re a straight man. A relic of a bygone era. Little more than a primitive beast.
Sorry. Now go back to your cave, jerk off and pretend you’re still relevant. Oh, and if you’re going to throw your own shit around, try not to get any in your eyes.