HOLLYWOOD – It was revealed today that Christian Slater has spent the whole of the last twenty years spreading freedom via his anonymous radio show Pump Up the Volume.

Sources close to the Heathers actor, reported that Mr. Slater in the early nineties decided to sacrifice his own career as a film actor and dedicate himself to fighting for the rights of the dispossessed and those without a voice. 

He began in Nicaragua, and then spent a year with some Amazonian tribes in the depths of the Rain Forest. He’s been to Haiti, Somalia, Afghanistan, the Democratic Republic of the Congo and Nepal. He’s even been into North Korea. He turns up in his mobile radio truck and plays Leonard Cohen’s ‘Everybody Knows’ and then lays down the truth. He was very inspired by the fall of the Berlin Wall and the release of Nelson Mandela and for some reason believed he was instrumental in both events.  

Hollywood insiders were now considering ‘case closed’ on one of the abiding mysteries of recent film history, of how the ‘most versatile actor of his generation’ (John Travolta) had not achieved his full potential. Political commentators have already started rewriting recent world history to take into account the Slater effect. ‘We know for a fact the Arab Spring is entirely Slater’s doing,’ said one analyst. ‘Who knows how big the impact has been?’

Somewhere out there, in the dark night of oppression, a light is shining, and Christian Slater is going to work.

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