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Saturday 8 August 2020
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RENEE ZELLWEGGER’S NEW FACE CAUSES MOCK HORROR

RENEE ZELLWEGGER’S NEW FACE CAUSES MOCK HORROR

HOLLYWOOD – Renee Zellwegger’s new face came as a shock to exactly the same grubby bunch of journalists and money hungry plastic surgeon who pressure women into worshiping at the altars of eternal youth and fascistic body conformity in the first place.

Fox News invited a plastic surgeon Dr. Todd Schliffstein to speculate on what plastic surgery she has had done, if indeed she has had any. Botox he reckoned. Among other things.

CNN headlined an article ‘Is that you Renee Zellwegger?’ and compared it to the great Jennifer Grey nose disaster of 1999.

The British tabloid the Daily Mail employed the Dr. Alex Karidis, another plastic surgeon who hasn’t been employed by Renee Zellwegger but is still happy to make money off of yet more prima facie speculation blandly daubed with modal verbs to avoid legal ramifications.

Oh, dear. The mock horror, the drivel, the pointlessness.

Oh Renee, you had us at misogyny!

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