HOLLYWOOD –  Platinum Dunes – Michael Bay’s production company – have announced the beginning of pre-production on their new project Nightmare on Texas Chainsaw Street the 13th, starring Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner.

Director Alexander Aja commented: 

We were getting bored of doing them all one by one so, taking our inspiration from The Avengers franchise, we wondered why not do them all together in one kind of blendered confection. Will it be bland ridiculous nonsense, a cash grab which is an insult to the imaginative originality of the original versions? D’uh, like yeah! Obviously!

Although Platinum Dunes averages out at critical ranking of only 26% on Rotten Tomatoes many believe that their films are over-rated. ‘Some people say that the remakes of Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Nightmare on Elm Street are shit,’ said horror-film critic Lewis Plainfield. ‘Whereas in point of fact, they are f*cking shit.’

The synopsis for Nightmare on Texas Chainsaw Street the 13th states simply:   

A bunch of teenagers (Taylors Swift and Lautner plus the cast of Glee) are all disturbed by the same nightmare of a man called Freddy Face with chainsaws for fingers and his inbred family of mutants. In order to escape from their dreams and to have some soft core sex, they hire an RV and drive it into the woods, in the middle of the desert near suburbia in Texas. Here the RV breaks down and so they split up to cover more ground. 

Nightmare on Texas Chainsaw Street the 13th is due for release in 2015 and again in 2016 and twice in 2017. 

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