ray winstone

LONDON – Character actor, Ray Winstone has donated his massive floating head to the poor and particularly victims of gambling addiction.

Winstone explained the decision as being the result of a crisis of conscience:

Not many people know this, but I actually come from a working class background and studies show that these deprived communities suffer disproportionately from high levels of gambling addiction. To think that my role as a promoter of gambling via my many, many, many, repeated, incessant and interminable TV adverts for Bet 365 might  in some way have contributed to the problem is more than I can take. It drives me bananas just thinking about it.

 So what good will your massive floating head do? 

There are a variety of roles it can take on. Deterring crime: no one’s gonna get up to monkey business when they see my massive bonce rounding the corner. Charity fetes. Guess the weight or throw rubber balls into me mouth. And I can even suggest betting tips… no wait not betting tips. I haven’t really thought this through.

How will you act without your massive floating head? 

I’ll be all right. 


Yeah. Don’t need it. 

So when will this start?

First thing tomorrow morning I’m gonna fill my mouth with money and head off to the East End where I’ll let orphans reach in and grab as much as they want. Nil by Mouth? Not likely! Ha ha ha!

Ray Winstone will be starring as Marcel Proust in Remembrance of Things Past, released in 2020.

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