Prometheus 2

LONDON – Ridley Scott has finally confessed that his upcoming sequel to Prometheus is an elaborate hoax.

“I’m just making it for shits and giggles”, said Scott.

I had great fun making the original, I got a bunch of rich people to give me a lot of money to piss all over the Alien franchise. I remember having a drink with Paul W.S. Anderson after he screened Alien vs. Predator and we were sipping champagne and laughing about how terrible it was. He bet me that I couldn’t make something worse and I got really close with the first film, but let me tell you, the sequel is going to be so bad the fans are going to lynch me. Well, they won’t actually lynch me they’ll just bitch and moan on twitter and convince themselves that somebody gives a tuppenny f*ck about their pathetic whining.

Scott went on to say that he’s trying out a new directing technique during the production:

I’m turning up drunk every day and just sitting in my chair and pointing. Sometimes I point left , sometimes I point right and sometimes I point left and right at the same time and nobody knows where the f*ck they should stand. It’s hysterical. Last week I made Michael Fassbender fight a Walrus. It was never going to be in the finished movie but I just wanted to see him fight one.

Scott said he’s having such a good time he’s already working on a third movie tentatively titled Prometheus 3: Back in the Habit.

It’s about a Xenomorph that goes undercover at a convent disguised as a Nun. Every time I think about making it, a little bit of wee comes out.

Prometheus 2 AKA Alien: Covenant is due in 2017

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