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Tuesday 20 October 2020
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PRESIDENT SNOW WINS REPUBLICAN PRIMARY

PRESIDENT SNOW WINS REPUBLICAN PRIMARY

MISSISSIPPI – President Snow – best known for his part in the Hunger Games franchise – has won the Republican Senate Primary in Mississippi unseating Senator Thad Cochran and setting up a possible run for President in 2016.

Snow, who ran as an independent Tea Party candidate, said that he was committed to preserving and protecting the rights and privileges of the one percent and the unity of Panem:

Ours has always been an elegant system. Together we are strong. But if there are those who should resist us, those who should try to undermine what we do, they will bleed in gladiatorial contests screened across the nation and hosted by that Simon Cowell. I like him.

President Snow’s victory came as a surprise for the incumbent and political pundits everywhere who had dismissed him as ‘Cosplay gone mad’. However, Snow spoke to his constituency and was strongly supported by the Koch Brothers and the NRA who applauded his stance on distributing weaponry among children, commenting almost nonchalantly: ‘How else will they kill each other?’ 

Cornelius Snow has spent a lifetime in the political system with his fringe party Panem. However, with the shift to the right of American political discourse, he is beginning to seem to many as a potential unifying force for the Republican Party in the 2016 race to the White House. When asked about such ambitions, even this answer was refreshingly direct:

I am already President as far as I am concerned and anyone who stands in my way will be annihilated from the face of the planet. 

Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part One will be released in December, 2014.  

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