keira knightley

HOLLYWOOD – People have been warned not to ask where Keira Knightley is, lest she return.

Keira Knightley the bafflingly famous actress from England has been missing for about a year. Whether she is working on that cook book that involves only eating stuff that begins with the letter H and cardboard, or scuba diving in sub-Saharan Africa for UNESCO, the important thing is not to ask. A government advisor from the Department of Vincent Gallo, Josie Blemont said:

When a celebrity like Keira Knightley goes off the radar, we at the DVG are very careful not to enquire too deeply lest the celebrity return. It’s a bit like that film Ca…

Is it like Candyman?

I was just about to say, that it’s a bit like that film Candyman, where, if you say the name of the celebrity five times in front of a mirror, they will appear behind you and smash you to death with their cheekbones. Even though…

Candyman had a hook.

I was about to say that.

So the important thing is not to say Keira Knightley Keira Knightley Keira Knightley Keira Knightley…

Stop you mad fool. If you had said Keira Knightley one more time… argh argh argh my face!

Keira Knightley will return.

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