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Thursday 23 January 2020
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OWEN WILSON TO UNPURSE LIPS IN 2015

OWEN WILSON TO UNPURSE LIPS IN 2015

HOLLYWOOD – Actor and comic genius Owen Wilson is undergoing surgery that will permanently unpurse his lips by 2015.

Doctor Andrew Cardaydigan spokes EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec:

This is usually a very simple procedure, but Mr. Wilson unfortunately has been pursing his lips permanently ever since Bottle Rocket, Wes Anderson debut film from 1996. Since then his whole career has consisted of pursing his lips, although he did take a brief hiatus for Behind Enemy Lines, but no one actually saw that.

Is the procedure dangerous?

It shouldn’t be normally. No. But with Wilson, you see, all the muscles around his mouth, his jaw, even as far down to the muscles along his flank and groin, are braced to create this amazing expression like someone is about to sip a strong lemony drink through a straw. And those muscles because of this activity have become atrophied. There is a danger that his whole head could make a wet sucking noise and disappear into the chest so that only a shock of that lovable dirty straw mop top would be visible from what would be – admittedly – a gory neck hole.

F*ck!

Absolutely. But on the bright side, nothing can be as disgusting or abhorrent as Marley and Me.

Point taken.

Owen Wilson will next appear in True Detective Season 2 next to old pal Vince Vaughn. For more on that story click here. 

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