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Saturday 31 October 2020
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ORLANDO BLOOM RELEASED FROM CARBONITE

ORLANDO BLOOM RELEASED FROM CARBONITE

HOLLYWOOD – Pirates of the Caribbean and Lord of the Rings actor Orlando Bloom has been successfully released from carbonite, it was revealed today.

Orlando Bloom has been defrosted from the carbonite that held him in suspended animation for several years in order to allow him to appear in the fifth installment of the Pirates of the Caribbean. Although sources disagree it is thought that Bloom had been carbon frozen shortly after his appearance in Ridley Scott’s Kingdom of Heaven in 2005, though others contend that Bloom must have been subject to the controversial storage process following 2007’s Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End.

Bloom watcher George Samsonite told the Studio Exec:

It is difficult to date Bloom’s freezing in carbonite because he did appear in a number of films following the hibernation process but the bland status of his acting makes it very difficult to tell if he has been frozen solid into a block or if he’s simply being Orlando Bloom. One thing we can say for certain is that his appearances in The Hobbit films were certainly taking place post-carbonite freezing.

Meanwhile news that Orlando Bloom had been unfrozen was met with worldwide consternation and markets in Asia tumbled. President Barack Obama issued a statement to try and reassure the citizenry:

Orlando Bloom has been released only for the duration of the filming of the new Pirates of the Caribbean film. We have had assurances from the film makers that Mr. Bloom will voluntarily submit himself once more to the carbon freezing process as soon as the film is completed. Apparently as well as being painless, it is believed that Bloom enjoys being frozen in carbonite, saying that it tickles.

Pirates of the Caribbean 5 will be released in 2017.

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