Joy Division’s lead singer meets up with Tron’s chum who’s in-between a Virgin Suicide and a young nympho vampire. They go ‘On the Road’ where they meet Aragorn and Nucky from Broadwalk Empire and they go on the road and on the road and on the road until Kerouac looks remarkably similar to John ‘Boy’ Walton.

Francis Ford Coppola should be told that when there’s a project that takes decades to bring to fruition there might be a reason it ain’t going smoothly. Walter Salles makes a good fist of it but the film is handsome like an advert for Heineken and Kerouac’s beats come off as irrelevant at best and fucking annoying at worst. Leave aside the homophobia (at least that bit is true to the book), the fact is On the Road has already been made in a thousand songs, novels, Levi’s adverts and Easy Rider.

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