HOLLYWOOD – The Federation for Medical Research has confirmed that exposure to the work of African American auteur Tyler Perry can lead to permanent brain damage.

Professor Robert Snow who led the five year study revealed that Perry’s effect on the brain was the equivalent of decades of sustained drug and alcohol abuse.

Think of Tyler Perry’s films as a kind of flesh eating zombie wandering around the cerebral cortex biting off chunks of grey matter” said a graphic Snow.

I remember during one particular experiment we tested the basic motor functions of a man who had abused household solvents for the last 20 years. I mean this guy used to drink paint thinner and vinegar cocktails for breakfast and yet he was able to read, write and solve basic mathematical equations .We then exposed a physically and mentally fit man to Tyler Perry’s classic double bill Why did I get Married? and Why did I get Married Too? and afterwards he exhibited all the signs and symptoms of someone who had undergone a complete frontal lobotomy. In fact the man is still in a catatonic state in our laboratory and to be honest, we’re hoping that an Indian chief suffocates him with a pillow and puts him out of his misery.

Professor Snow said he has sent his findings to all the leading scientific journals only to be accused of bad science and even worse, racism.

 My methodology was sound and my conclusions will stand up to the most vigorous scrutiny “ said a vehement Snow.

As for the racism accusations. Let’s just say I’ve had sex with lots of black women and I’m a big fan of Prince so if that makes me a racist, they better get me a hood and horse and sign me up for the Klu Klux Klan!.

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