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Saturday 11 July 2020
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OBAMA TO DEPLOY RUSSELL CROWE AGAINST NORTH KOREA

OBAMA TO DEPLOY RUSSELL CROWE AGAINST NORTH KOREA

Stern words turned to actions today, as America’s response to the North Korean testing of a nuclear weapon began to harden. President Obama speaking from the Rose Garden announced that Australian singer and actor Russell Crowe was ready at an hour’s notice for deployment.

A spokesperson for the Pentagon said that the Commander in Chief:

had initially been unsure of the efficacy of using Crowe but – upon seeing Les Miserables in a private screening – the President stood up halfway through and said “What are we waiting for?” Mr. Crowe was contacted and agreed, though there was some confusion as to his exact role.

A friend of The Gladiator as he prefers to be known said that ‘Russ is really proud to give his mate Obama a hand in a crisis. As long as the North Koreans are just bombing themselves that’s fair dinkum but the danger is they might use those bombs on another country and we can’t be having that.’
It is thought that should diplomatic negotiations fail, Mr. Crowe will stride across the DMZ and into North Korea while singing in a way fans describe as ‘unbearable’, ‘atrocious’ and ‘worse than cat murder’. And those are fans remember.

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