O.J. SIMPSON TO BE ERASED FROM THE NAKED GUN
HOLLYWOOD – The renewed public interest in O.J. Simpson has led to a call from outspoken movie critic, Dan Walsh, to digitally erase Simpson from beloved comedy, The Naked Gun. The Studio Exec sat down with Walsh to discuss his controversial remark:
Mr Walsh. Why are you gunning for O.J.?
It’s pretty simple. I love The Naked Gun. Myself and my two brothers used to watch it all the time and we’d quote it verbatim. But every since the O.J. trial, I’ve never enjoyed it as much. You just can’t laugh at loveable old Nordberg (OJ’s character) stepping on a bear trap when you know the guy playing him is a cold-bloodied killer. I want to enjoy The Naked Gun again, and so do millions of others, so let’s get O.J. out of there.
Isn’t that a rather extreme form of censorship?
I understand why people would say it was, but to them I say this. What if Jeffrey Dahmer was in The Godfather? Could you watch him playing the role of Michael Corleone without thinking to yourself ‘That guy kept heads in his fridge?’. I mean, it doesn’t really matter how nuanced the performance is if you know the actor could very well have been eating the testicles of a guy he killed prior to filming a dramatic scene.
You make an interesting, but ridiculous point. So how would you cut The Naked Gun. Would you edit out the character of Nordberg completely?
Not all all. Nordberg is essential to the script, it would be like taking Charles Bronson out of Once Upon A Time in The West. I’d advocate grafting the face of another actor onto O.J. using the latest in digital technology.
Do you have any candidates in mind?
My number one choice would have to be Woody Allen.
Hmm, it seems unlikely that Mr Allen would allow a studio to replace O.J. Simpson’s head with his own.
Granted, I don’t expect that to happen. Woody is a busy man, which is why I have a brilliant second option.
Goldie Hawn. I’m just a huge fan. In my eyes, Goldie can do no wrong and she has experience with this kind of thing. Did you know that her role in Housesitter was originally played by Ted Bundy? It’s totally true, he filmed for two weeks before Goldie replaced him and you know, he never left because the producers realised they’d hired a serial killer to play a leading female role in a romantic comedy. It was 100% due to creative differences.