orlando bloom

SEOUL – Reports are coming in that North Korea have successfully tested an Orlando Bloom in the Sea of Japan.

There have been rumors for weeks; noise and what the CIA call ‘chatter’ from Pyongyang that the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea had developed their very own Orlando Bloom and were ready to detonate him as a show of strength to their southern neighbors as well as other powers in the region. China had been among the powers urging caution and diplomatic channels with the North Koreans and the leader Kim Jong-un had been opened in order to prevent an escalation of blandness. President Barack Obama, while visiting Britain last week, commented that:

Though many might see our position as hypocrisy – we after all have the original Orlando Bloom, and have had him for years – we must assure the North Koreans, Pakistan, Israel and any other power intent on developing their own Orlando Bloom option, that we deeply regret having our own OB and we are seeking ways of safely decommissioning him.

The detonation was detected by scientists using instruments which are usually dedicated to ¬†warning of Tsunamis. One scientist told the Exec, ‘the instruments were off the scale and suddenly we all felt listless and bored.’ The detonation comes only months after China was accused of 3D printing an entire army of Steve Guttenbergs.

More on this story as it develops.

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