NINETEEN EIGHTY-FOUR THEME PARK ANNOUNCED

1984 theme park

LONDON – David Cameron has announced that a theme park based on the George Orwell novel Nineteen Eighty-Four is under construction in the UK.

“Ever since I was a boy it has been my dream to bring Orwell’s masterpiece to life,” said Cameron.

Many said it wouldn’t be possible, they said it was a waste of money and that people didn’t want it but in a recent poll conducted by our party over 113% of the population were in favour of going ahead with the plan.

The park, which stretches from Land’s End to John O’ Groats, is thought to be the largest every constructed and the Prime Minister went on to reveal more details of what we can expect from his pet project:

It’s a totally interactive experience and best of all, it’s free! If you’re a UK citizen you’ll be signed up for a mandatory lifetime pass which will allow you unlimited access to the attractions. Why not spend the day in one of our interrogation rooms and get things off your chest or send the kids off to the Perpetual War Zone whilst you enjoy some relaxing electroshock therapy. As for food, over a hundred thousand Chestnut Tree Cafés will provide you with the same delicious menu no matter where you are in the park.

Asked how the UK was going to pay for this massive construction project, Cameron was candid:

We’re going to rape the poor. Not physically rape them, well, not anybody over the age of consent, but we’re going to crush their spirit and take them for every penny they have. Many will work themselves into the ground, others with go mad and the rest will decide to end their own worthless lives and the best thing of all is they’re all too busy fighting amongst themselves that they won’t see it coming until it’s far too late.

The Nineteen Eighty-Four theme park is under construction now.

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