HOLLYWOOD – Nicolas Cage revealed today he isn’t sure when he is taking part in a professional film production or having a genuine roller coaster adventure, with high octane action and high stakes.
Speaking exclusively to the Studio Exec, Cage expressed his genuine concern at not knowing the distinction.
Hey Nic, so what is this? Some kind of well earned breakdown?
Are we rolling?
No Nic, we’re just chatting.
When did this first become a problem for you?
National Treasure 2, or as I was calling it; ‘Thursday’. You see, I was just going along with the intrigue, suspense and derivative action plot when I realized that, hey, this is like that other time I had a quest for some kind of American historical treasure thing, which at the time I thought was just a mildly interesting Monday. David Lynch called me one evening during that adventure and asked me whether I thought I was wasting my time on this movie…and it clicked! ‘I’m in a movie this time!’ David used to film me as I slept as a child and would whisper truths to me. This is how I knew it was the truth this time.
What about the film crew? Didn’t that alert you to the inherent artifice of the scenario?
How would it? Francis Ford Coppola, or as I call him Pappy Faffoppola, filmed my entire childhood and would narrate my meals and chores and such, so I thought these ‘crews’ we’re just my silent companions on one of my many jolly japes.
Nic, I think you should talk to someone, professionally.
Isn’t that what this is? You’re Lorraine Bracco aren’t you?
Nicholas Cage is currently starring in Outcast, which he tells me is definitely not a movie because Hayden Chistensen was with him when it all happened.