NICHOLAS SPARKS ADAPTATIONS LINKED TO ‘INSTANT DEATH’

nicholas sparks

HOLLYWOOD – The American Medical Association published a report today which revealed that viewers of Nicholas Sparks’ adaptation – such as the recent The Best of Me – are 60% more likely to die of instant death than Sparks free individuals.

The report – entitled ‘Nicholas Sparks Adaptations Unequivocally Make It More Likely That A Person Will Die of Instant Death’ – concluded that exposure to cinematic versions of Sparks’ particular brand of sentimental offal has been responsible for over 964 deaths in the past six months.

Co-author Dr. Miller Snipes told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

Whenever a new Nicholas Sparks movie comes out we noticed a spike in the instant death figures. One showing of Dear John in Manhattan was responsible for 13 deaths alone. Message in the Bottle and Safe Haven have also registered statistically significant fatalities. Interestingly, reading the books and not watching the film versions actually increase longevity, but that is really something we don’t want to shout about.

Sparks himself responded to the claims through a statement issued through his agent:

I am very proud of the work I do. And I am very proud of the beautiful films that many including Ryan Gosling and Kevin Costner have brought to the screen based on those novels. And if some of the viewers thereby die of instant death, then I can only say that that is a price worth paying.

The Best of Me is available for extreme cinema goers everywhere.

(Visited 127 times, 1 visits today)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.