Advertisement – The Studio Exec is proud to endorse the Nic Cage Investment School as it opens for business online. Do you want to live like a movie star? Do you want to live in a fantasy world of outrageous extravagance that may or may not all come crashing down around your ears at any given moment? Then the Nic Cage Investment School (NCIS) is the fun fiduciary finishing school for you.
Nic Cage Investment School (NCIS) – Kerching Baby!
For just one up-front fee of $500 and a further instalment plan (a legally binding 4 year commitment of $200 per calendar month, your house will be used as collateral and will be under risk if you do not keep up repayments) the NCIS will teach you the secrets of how to buy a fleet of sports cars you will never see in the flesh, let alone drive. Are you fed up with living in that spacious family home? THEN BUY A FUCKING ISLAND, LOSER. By investing in the Nic Cage Investment School, you will then be granted the golden key (not actual gold, with no monetary value whatsoever and is a choking hazard to those under the age of 10 and over the age of 65) to unlock the secrets to untold wealth and carefree living.
To Make Money, You Have To Spend Money
With your one-off fee and instalment plan (a legally binding 4 year commitment of $200 per calendar month, your house will be used as collateral and will be under risk if you do not keep up repayments. And we are VERY litigious) Nic Cage will connect with you personally (personally means an online, non-responsive, animated figure of Nic, voiced by a third party) and teach you exactly how he made millions and millions of dollars. Then he will teach you how to disregard ‘advice’, ‘sincere warnings’ and ‘well-meaning interventions’ from management, family and trusted friends.
Quantity Is Quality
And The NCIS isn’t just about the good times. There is a very small chance (absolute certainty) the good times may catch you up. Your world may (will) come crashing down around you. But don’t fret, Nic will (wont) help you build your life and career back up again. He’ll teach you to take any shitty part that comes along, so long as it pays well.