Saturday 5 December 2020
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LONDON – Streaming giants Netflix today bought the BBC.

They continue to conquer the world. Shortly after purchasing the catalogue of Studio Ghibli, Netflix today announced that they bought the British broadcasting service, the BBC. Pressure has mounted on the BBC to challenge the dominance of the internet giants, but in a surprise move they have appeared to capitulate.

A BBC spokesperson told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

We’ve tried everything. Dracula, Doctor Who, David Attenborough but it just wasn’t working. Netflix wipes its bottom on million pound notes, so after a while we thought we want a bit of that.

The nature of the content won’t change but viewers will no longer have to pay the annual license fee. They will instead pay a larger netflix subscription which will allow them an enhanced viewing experience.

‘We’re calling it Netflix+ but don’t quote me on that, we’re still in early stages,’ Tony Benn of Netflix UK declared. ‘We know the BBC has a stunning raft of programming to offer, which we will do our best to maintain. We also are very eager to get our hands on the archives of classic programmes the BBC has produced over the decades.’

The UK government appeared receptive of the idea, having cordially disliked the BBC for years. ‘As long as I can still watch CBeebies, I really don’t care,’ said Prime Minister Boris Johnson, on hearing the news. However, opposition groups are furious. Cortal Stymer, member of Friends of the BBC, told us that this was like someone had ‘literally slapped me with a handful of cack.’

Netflix+ is due to begin streaming in the summer.

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