netflix prequels

NETFLIX – Streaming super gods, Netflix announce they are to develop several prequel series.

Netflix, who are now the majority shareholders of the internet, released a statement earlier today where they announce they are to develop several prequels to some popular fan favourite franchises:

“We are delighted to finally reveal our upcoming stable of new Netflix series we are proud to call ‘The Ultra Prequels’. This means we are developing content that dives deep into the pasts of all your bae movie and TV characters. We mean like, waaay into their pasts.

First, we are just super charged to announce ‘Victor Frankenstein: The Formative Years’. It will follow the early education of the famous re-animator. ‘VF: TFY’ will follow his progress as he studies early Mathematics, English and of course Science at school and then University. Think Smallville, but Victor doesn’t have any super powers, or super villain friends. Or any friends at all, come to think of it. It’s just going to be 45 minutes each week of him, reading and making notes in a library. Then going home, reading and making notes there. Each season finale will be him sitting his exams, in total silence. We know he passes, because he becomes a Doctor. Mind blowing, eh?!

Next up, ‘X-Men: The Pre-Mutation Years’. Our story will follow a group of people who are born with no genetic mutations whatsoever. They have no super powers, but go on to accomplish practically nothing. They will all live completely unremarkable lives and never meet up. Their paths will never cross. Their stories will not intertwine in a surprising and ultimately satisfying way. One of them will be a supply teacher, another will be a librarian and another will get married at a young age and live quite a nice life, really. Think Mike Leigh without the labyrinthine plots and gratuitous glamour.

Finally, Netflix are proud to announce ‘The Lost Ark: Before The Raiders’. We place several cameras into the Well Of Souls. So, you will be able to watch exactly what doesn’t happen just after the Ark is buried by a giant sand storm, wiped clean by the wrath of god. It will just show rolling coverage, which will be Big Brother-style focussing on the Ark in the dark. ‘Day 742, still nothing. Oh, look, there’s another snake.’ Just imagine how good that will be. Spielberg nearly shit his pants when we pitched it to Amblin Entertainment. He couldn’t stop laughing, all the way to the bank.”

Netflix are currently in pre(quel)-production on all three series.

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