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Wednesday 23 September 2020
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NASA DISCOVER ‘ORIGINAL DEATH STAR’

NASA DISCOVER ‘ORIGINAL DEATH STAR’

 HOUSTON – The NASA satellite Intense 7 has discovered the original Death Star featured in Star Wars (AKA Star Wars Episode IV A New Hope) orbiting Phobos, the forest moon of Mars.


‘We were all watching the pictures coming in on a live feed,’ says NASA engineer, Edna Hoopla. ‘And someone said look it’s heading towards that small moon. And someone said … I swear to God someone said, “That’s no moon. That’s a space station.” And someone else said, “That’s way too big to be a space station” and, you know, we went on for quite a bit, because, you know, we’re nerds.’


The Death Star was constructed in 1976 for the filming of the original George Lucas blockbuster, but Studio Exec can now exclusively reveal that the destruction of the Death Star was accomplished via a ‘special effect’ using a ‘model’.

Building began in 1976

Concerns were almost immediately raised by Jimmy Carter among others, that the Death Star could easily fall into the wrong hands and if that were to happen the terrible consequences would be terrible. Lucas set minds to rest by claiming the Death Star would be destroyed at the conclusion of filming and indeed its destruction made up a vital plot point in the film, but

President Obama issued a statement responding to the news saying that on the one hand the administration was very angry with Mr Lucas and would be demanding the answers to some very tough questions, but when pushed about what measures the administration might take against Mr Lucas reminded the press that ‘when all was said and done George Lucas does have a Death Star.’

The discovery of the Death Star comes days after the scientific proof that the force really does exist as like an actual thing  (CLICK HERE for more on that story), but thus far Mr. Lucas has refused to comment although an evil snickering could be heard on a recording that played to anyone dialing the Skywalker Ranch.

Star Wars 7 will be released in 2015.

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