HOUSTON – This morning NASA confirmed the successful uncoupling of the celestial body Gwyneth Paltrow from the space debris known as Chris Martin.
The operation took place in the early hours of this morning in what technicians are calling a ‘flawless performance of technical excellence’. A NASA spokesperson said:
These things are always delicate because you never quite known what the reactions are going to be and what you’re going to find in there. Fortunately, possibly due to a diet of celery water and positive thinking, Ms. Paltrow was almost entirely empty and so when we uncoupled her, there was very little mess.
The operation took place fifty miles above the surface of the Earth during an EVA from the International Space Station (ISS). Astrophysicist and part time film critic Neil deGrasse Tyson remarked:
The wonder of such an event can only go to show how amazing a force evolution is. In a short time, less than a generation, Paltrow has gone from being the rather ordinary actress of Sliding Doors fame to what she is now: an ethereal space baby floating benignly above us and mildly reproving us for our eating habits and our poor parenting skills. Now come with me as we…
Sorry Neil, we got a thing.
Oh, you don’t want to come with me while we explore the wonder of the Cosmos?
Maybe next week.
Gwyneth Paltrow will remain in a permanent orbit high above the atmosphere but Chris Martin is expected to fall to Earth later today somewhere over the Indian Ocean.