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Saturday 11 July 2020
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NASA BRAND ARONOFKSY’S NOAH ‘INACCURATE’

NASA BRAND ARONOFKSY’S NOAH ‘INACCURATE’

HOUSTON – After the furore over Gravity, NASA have weighed in again on the accuracy of Darren Aronofsky’s new Biblical epic, Noah starring Russell Crowe and Anthony Hopkins.

Following a special preview of the film, NASA took the unusual step of writing a letter to the Black Swan director which they accidentally on purpose CC-ed to us here at Studio Exec. Here it is in full: 

Hey Dazzers!

 

 Sorry, we mean Mr. Aronofsky. It’s late here at Mission Control and we’ve been smoking Blue Dream. Really quite excellent, if you can get… wait who are we telling? You made The Fountain and you don’t know Blue Dream? Yeah right!?

Anyhoo, can we say we are all big fans of your films, especially of Pi and The Wrestler (Black Swan not so much, but you know). We got an opportunity to watch Noah – what with the Shuttle program effectively mothballed we’re setting up as freelance film critics – and we have some thoughts.


1. Universal flood: WHAT? I mean, come on. There’s no evidence for any such flood. It just couldn’t happen. Didn’t happen. So that’s basically the whole of your film hitting the Bullshit Button straight away.

2. Ark: we’re not convinced that this is a credible solution. The weight of biomass would sink any boat that existed in that period, or this period for that matter.

 3. Animals: Two by two makes sense logistically, but it is too small a sample to ensure survival. And there are very big hygiene issues.What about incidences of infertility/sterility? Also keeping different livestock in such close proximity is just asking for a bird flu outbreak. Literally asking for it. 

4. Emma Watson and Jennifer Connelly in the same film. Very good call Mr. Aronofsky. No complaints there. 

Okay, that’s all from us. We can’t sit around fact checking films all day. Candy Crush isn’t going to play itself you know.  
Lots of love

NASA

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2 thoughts on “NASA BRAND ARONOFKSY’S NOAH ‘INACCURATE’

  1. Anonymous

    I thought the article interesting and what’s more true in a very deep sense. Not only was my time not wasted as the above commentator remarks, but I had recently been considering killing myself and now, my mood slightly lightened I think I will go on. So thank you.

    Reply

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