MOTION CAPTURE SUIT ‘ANDY SERKIS’ STOLEN AND WORN BY CHIMP
HOLLYWOOD – A highly expensive ‘motion capture suit’ affectionately called Andy Serkis has been stolen by a chimp. The chimp is now at large and wearing the suit. Blame has fallen squarely on Alec Baldwin who had borrowed the suit for use in a ‘private party.’
Mr. Baldwin said:
Well, it’s pretty embarrassing, I took the suit off to take a tinkle – I don’t know why they didn’t build Andy with a velcro fly! – and the chimp has just sniffed an opportunity, slipped it on and ran off. Little bastard! I had to walk into a room full of guests with my gentleman’s goods all on display.
When asked why there was a chimp at the private party Baldwin was decidedly frosty.
Hey buddy, let’s stay focused on the real issue here. There’s a really expensive, state of the art Andy Serkis suit running around out there under the control of a wild, stoned, problem solving chimp with the strength of 4 men! the public is in danger here and you want to know about my God-damned sex charades? Get a life man!
Initial reports that the chimp was seen riding a motorcycle from the scene with Katherine Heigl on the back-seat have been refuted by Baldwin in a vicious tirade.
You guys love making shit up don’t you? People’s reputations are at stake here and you just spread this filth without any consideration, check the facts! Heigl, as far as I know is still braiding the hair of the entire cast of NCIS by my swimming pool. The CHIMP was on the back seat of my motorcycle, I do have security cameras for Christ’s sake. Steven Seagal was riding up front, I could see that clear as day. Shit, I don’t even remember him being at the party, don’t even know the cat. Do you have any idea how this makes me feel, you little rat? You scum sucking hobo! I ought to tear you a new SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION!
The scandal could not have come at a worse time for Baldwin who has just finished his first week of being gay (for more on that story click here). But neither is it the first time that the ‘Andy Serkis’ has been linked to controversy, following the leaking a few weeks ago of a ‘sex tape’ featuring the eponymous motion capture device (for more on THAT story click here).
IF YOU HAVE ANY INFORMATION ON THE WHEREABOUTS OF SEAGAL OR THE CHIMP/ANDY SERKIS SUIT PLEASE CONTACT YOUR LOCAL NEWS TEAM. THIS ONE IS A DOOSIE.