ROME – Reports are coming in that controversial film maker Michael Moore has managed to penetrate Vatican security and smuggle an entire camera crew into the conclave.
At the last minute we had three Cardinals turn up from America who nobody had ever heard of. Cardinal Washington was extremely tall with a very long neck which we now suspect was a boom mic. Cardinal Jefferson claimed the suitcase he was carrying was a portable dialysis machine and Cardinal Lincoln told us the large rucksack on his back was his packed lunch. We never had time to check their credentials as the door was about to close so we just ushered them in.
“We thought he was joking around.” said his agent Ross Flake. “But it seems Mike is actually in there!”