michael caine

LONDON – 83 Year old actor Michael Caine has stirred controversy across the internet by speaking in an interview and letting out great wafting opinion balloons that are now floating in the upper atmosphere causing confusion among astronauts and the pilots of passenger jets.

In the full interview that we haven’t read or listened to it (I think it was the Today program) Michael Caine said something along the lines of:

All black people should go back to where they came from: Europe! The refugee crisis has been caused by faceless European bureaucrats and it doesn’t seem fair that they are demanding that they all get Oscars. I’m not going to vote for an actor to get an Oscar just because some unelected Euro-crat in Brussels says I have to because he’s an immigrant and black. I watched Idris Elba in Beast of No Nation and I thought he was great and just because he’s British and not European and a refugee from Europe I’m not allowed to vote for him. That makes no sense to me whatsoever. I mean this is racism really. It’s about time that Britain left Europe, and I don’t mean by severing political and economic ties, I mean by us all getting long wooden sticks, standing on the east coast and punting the bloody island as far into the Atlantic as Ireland would allow. I forgot about Ireland. Maybe we could go a bit South as well. The weather would be nicer for a start. Anyway these are details David Cameron can sort out later.

Twitter was outraged that the star of Zulu and Ashanti said some stuff that someone else had tweeted to them who hadn’t read the interview either. Everyone is angry and no one is happy. But at least his trending didn’t mean he’s dead, which is what (frankly) we all thought when we saw him trending – what with David Bowie and Alan Rickman and it being January and all. However, it was also revealed that Michael Caine had sneaked into Spike Lee’s house and stolen his Oscar ‘for a laugh’. Spike Lee is understandably furious and has ordered his private army of fans to ‘Get Caine!’

Michael Caine’s new book I Only Meant To Blow The Bloody Internet Up will be released on Thursday.

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  1. I like MC, he’s been around long enough to be not bothered by what people call “political correctness.” If anyone is getting hot under the collar for what he says above, then read it again and again instead of taking the first line out of context.
    Don’t forget – he was around when ‘Fanny’ was a girl’s name.

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