WASHINGTON – In a last minute change of plans, President Obama has announced that he will be substituted today and Michael Bay will be giving the historic State of the Union address to the joint session of Congress and the Senate. 

The change marks part of ‘a relaxation agenda’ on the part of the second term President who in a note given by his White House spokesman explained he had ‘stuff to do’. When quizzed on what could be more important than addressing the nation, he remarked: ‘Oh you know, important stuff.’
Michael Bay said he was raring to go. 

I had a little set back a few weeks ago. I don’t know if anyone noticed. Anyway I was having lunch when the call came through and Barack said ‘Time to get back on the horse Mikey’. Plus I’m assuming the White House boys are tech savvy. More so than those Samsung assholes anyhow.

It has also been revealed that the content of the address has changed slightly and will have less detail about economics, the recovery and the Affordable Health Care Act and more to do with ‘benefits of ancillary sales’, ‘f*cking the frame’ and ‘Megan Fox’s ass’. As for the environment – thought to be one of President Obama’s new initiatives – Bay was enthused: ‘I fracking love it!’

The State of the Union will be released in 2015.

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