HANOI – Hollywood Director Michael Bay sensationally declared war on the Socialist Republic of Vietnam this morning, despite a last minute invention by the UN to try and broker a peace deal.
Armed with a 200 million dollar budget and a battle hardened film crew. Bay and his squadron descended on Hanoi in a fleet of chinnook helicopters shooting anything that moved with hand-held digital cameras.
“It was terrifying”said a terrified eye witness. “ I was in McDonald’s buying my lunch when I heard the sound of Metallica’s Enter Sandman, not the album version the live recording they did with the San Francisco Symphony Orchestra. Anyway, I stepped outside and saw five or six choppers hovering overhead blasting out music from loud speakers and dropping purple smoke grenades. I couldn’t believe my eyes it was like a scene from Apocalypse Now. The original version I’ve not seen the Redux.”
Bay has so far been unavailable for comment but his former boss, ex-CIA director George Tenet who produced Bay’s picture Pearl Harbour (2001) warned a hurriedly assembled meeting of NATO that his former employee poses a major threat to global security.
“Mike has gone rogue,” said an animated Tenet. “Back in the early 1990s he was one of the subjects of a project known as Operation High Octane. A covert experiment to produce directors who would make government sponsored propaganda films. Mike was conditioned to believe he was producing harmless, entertaining action movies and we encouraged this delusion but after Transformers 2, it was pretty obvious that nobody of sound mind would make such a tedious piece of shit so we shut the program down. Since then Mike has become increasingly erratic and when he cast Rosie Huntington-Whiteley in Transformers 3, we knew his mask of sanity had finally slipped.”
President Barack Obama has condemned Bay’s actions saying that “America is a friend to the Vietnamese people and we will work with our friend to ensure that this situation is contained and Mr Bay is brought to justice”
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