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Monday 30 November 2020
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MGM: NO TIME FOR BOND RUMORS

MGM: NO TIME FOR BOND RUMORS

HOLLYWOOD – MGM deny running out of Bond rumors.

There have been no new stories or rumors about James Bond 007 surfacing on the internet within the last 48 hours. Larry Sezno – Head of Rumor & Denial at the studio, has been forced to release a statement that MGM deny running out of Bond rumors.

 

MGM Deny Bond Rumor – ‘Plenty Left’

“It’s just bullshit,” He told reporters, “We got plenty of rumors left to waft around on the internet for all you baying donkeys out there. We got teams of dedicated gossip mongers working around the clock. These bitter, sweaty little staff writers who couldn’t get a gig on Saturday Night Live will make sure the Twitter machine is fed. It’ll be chock-full of mini interviews of cast members saying absolutely nothing of any interest to anyone. Then, we let the internet do its magic by weaving in a narrative that although is likely and predictable, is never directly mentioned by us. It’s fucking genius. You all spend hour after hour lapping this stuff up, spaffing your meaningless lives away on this shit. Which means I get paid a truck load of money making sure you do.”

Keyser Soze

“And then what? We don’t even release the movie! We just keep pushing the date further and further back until eventually… puff, and like that, it’s gone. But we deny it’s the Keyser Soze of movies, because he doesn’t exist.”

There Is No Spoon

That brings me onto my next point of business. MGM and EON Productions absolutely and 100% vehemently deny the rumors circulating that there is no Bond film to release. We 100% deny that making big budget movies has become too expensive and too risky. There’s no truth that this forced us into just making trailers. We also robustly deny that there never was a No Time To Die. Or that we’re just waiting for Marvel or Star Wars to cast another woman in a lead role. Then, the internet will lose its shit about that and forget all about our non-existent movie. Therefor we totally deny any of that has any kind of basis in truth whatsoever.”

No Time To Die may one day be released, sometime, somewhere. Your guess is as good as ours.

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