MEREZ PILTON’S BIG FAT GOSSIP COLUMN


Beyonceleaves toilet seat up at V Festival prompting rumours she’s secretly a man.

Alan Arkin caught having sex with Sandra Bullock in the back of an ice cream van.



Tom Hanks denies he doesn’t like brown bread. “He’s a fan!” claims his agent.

Mike Myers claims Austin Powers 4 will feature the secret agent battling the Nazis. In the future. On the edge of a Black Hole.

Gary Oldman tells UK TV chat show host David Frost that he was shocked when he was recently told he was married to Uma Thurman. “I can’t remember any of it,” said a puzzled Oldman.

Ethan Hawke confesses he has spent the night with Julie Deply but said he only “Vigorously rubbed the tip of my penis against her right nipple so it doesn’t count.”

Richard Linklater‘s ex girlfriend claims the director has an irrational fear of overcooked sausages.

One Direction‘s tour bus crashes into oncoming traffic after the band refuse to change direction on a motorway. “Did you think it was just a clever name?” said a band spokesman.

Brad Pitt proposes to a Giant Praying Mantis. “I thought it was Angie, I didn’t have my glasses on,” said an embarrassed Pitt.

Sharon Stone reveals the secret to a healthy middle aged sex life. “Fisherman’s Friends,” said Stone.

Jennifer Aniston‘s partner Justin Theroux admits they have yet to consummate their relationship; “I’ve only vigorously rubbed the tip of my penis against Courtney Cox’s left nipple so it doesn’t count.”

Keanu Reeves likes Toast. “Toast is nice,” said Keanu.

Steven Seagal admits he was addicted to several substances throughout the 90s. “Tippex, Marker Pens, Creosote. You name it, I was sniffing it.”

Bridget Fonda found alive and well in a cornfield in Iowa. “If you build it they will come,” said a delirious Fonda.


Johnny Depp admits he’s only doing Pirates of The Caribbean 5 for the money. “I’m building a 100ft tall Golden Pyramid on my private island,” said Depp. “And these scarves I wear are not as cheap as they look.”


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