HOLLYWOOD – Man of the moment, star of True Detective, Mud and The Dallas Buyer’s Club, Matthew McConaughey has announced he is going to box starving Africans in order to raise money for cat shelter charity called Purr-fect.
The Fool’s Gold star said:
Many’s the time I’ve been walking the streets of this here glorious nation, and of a sudden I see one of my little feline friends, eye a little weepy, leg a mite lame, and I’ve thought to myself if only there were homes for these little fellas. Goes a ways to making things right with the world. And then I discovered the Purr-Fect cat shelter. But they didn’t have much money and so I was talking to my good compadre George Clooney and he was going on and on about the Sudan and then it hit me like a bolt of clever. What if I boxed starving Africans for charity and we gave the money to the cats?
But wouldn’t that be a terrible idea?
You are not the first to bring forth reservations. The way I see it a starving African doesn’t stand much of a chance against a red bloody Texican like me. So I’m willing to up the ante and fight three at a time – five tops. I’ll do anything for those doggone pussies.
Where, when and how?
Early next year. The first bout will take place in Darfur. We’ll see how many Africans we can wrassle up. Despite his reservations, George seems mighty fired up now and is doing everything to expedite my voyage into the interior. In fact I wonder if he might have a dog in the fight. In a manner of speaking. Har-har!