YORKSHIRE – The city of Kingston Upon Hull was in turmoil today after local resident, Davy Garratt, violently assaulted a man after he allegedly heard a spoiler about the last episode of Game of Thrones.
“It was like something out of a film,” said supermarket counter clerk, Shaun Addison:
This chap was stood waiting at the till and these two others fellas behind him were talking about Game of Thrones. The next thing I knew he’d picked up a bag of frozen chicken thighs from his basket and started attacking the man with it. His mate tried to intervene but it was like the guy was indestructible. You know, like Liam Neeson in Taken.
After beating the man unconscious, Mr Garratt was apprehended by security staff.
“We apprehended a man at 11am for an alleged attack on another customer, ” said chief security office, Adam Skog:
However, after he explained the situation we decided to let him go. He was clearly provoked and it would have been wrong of us to press charges.
Asked what happened to the victim, Officer Skog was candid:
We took him in the back, broke his fingers and cut out his tongue. That will teach the big spoiling bastard.
Game of Thrones season six is due in 2016.