MACHETE KILLS: REVIEW
DO YOU LOVE RANDOM ACTS OF GRAPHIC VIOLENCE?
DO YOU LOVE WATCHING ACTORS GET DECAPITATED IN INCREASINGLY RIDICULOUS WAYS?
DOES YOUR IDEA OF A GOOD NIGHT OUT INVOLVE A LITTLE WINE, A LITTLE DINNER AND SOME GOOD OLD FASHIONED DISMEMBERMENT?
If so then Machete Kills is the movie for YOU!
Written by some idiot called Robert Rodriguez and directed by his twin idiot brother Robert Rodriguez, Machete Kills is a high octane roller-coaster ride through the sewerage pipes of cinema.
APPLAUDas a bad guy gets his head chopped off by a helicopter
LAUGH as bad guys get sliced, diced and spit in half again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again…
WET YOUR PANTS WITH GLEE AND EXCITEMENT as a bad guy gets his head chopped off by a helicopter again because it was so hilarious the first time around!
STARRING Danny Trejo as the only character you remember Danny Trejo playing except for the cameo in Breaking Bad and some Michael Mann film which was probably Heat.
FEATURINGa host of silly cameos from silly people playing sillier characters and guest starring Mad Mel Gibson as maniacal super villain THE JEW, a man hell-bent on creating Israel in space, filling it with his chosen people and scorching the gentile riddled earth with fire and brimstone.
Machete Kills is due for release on OCTOBER 11TH which is soon or today or sometime in the past depending on when you are reading this.
TRY NOT HANG YOURSELF BY YOUR BOOTLACES BEFORE THE END CREDITS!
Disclaimer:Mel Gibson does not the play’ The Jew’ it was just a little joke, you know, because Mel has a history. The Studio Exec is himself a member of the Jewish faith and neither condones or believes the ridiculous conspiracy theories tossed around by the likes of Mr Gibson. You know like the ones about the Jews running Hollywood and such like. We don’t run Hollywood, our staff do that. We merely own it.
(Visited 12 times, 1 visits today)