MACAULAY CULKIN TO PLAY BURGLAR IN HOME ALONE REMAKE
HOLLYWOOD – Macaulay Culkin has signed up to play one of the burglars in Ryan Reynolds’ remake of Home Alone.
The Studio Exec sat down with Reynolds to discuss the upcoming flick:
Mr Reynolds, a lot of people are going to question your decision to remake Home Alone.
Oh, of course. It’s such a beloved movie that only an asshole would try to remake it. But what can I say, I am that asshole.
How will your version differ from the original?
Well essentially it’s the same plot. A kid gets left by his family at Christmas and has to fend off a couple of burglars. But there’s going to be some big changes, Kevin McAllister (Culkin) being one of the Wet Bandits, is a major change
So Culkin is playing the same character but he’s a burglar?
Yeah, think about it. Kevin was abandoned by his parents twice, once at his home and once in New York. They were pretty shitty parents so Christ knows what else that little guy was exposed to but what we know for certain is that for a significant portion of his childhood he was compelled to maim and torture two burglars that were trying to kill him. That’s got to have an affect on a kid, right?
I suppose it would.
Damn straight it would. So in this new story we explore what happened to Kevin after the events of Home Alone 2. He stopped doing well at school, started drinking and doing drugs in his early teens which eventually led to the crack habit which then led to him brutally murdering his parents with a snow shovel.
Kevin McAllister killed his parents?
Yeah. I mean when you mix the crack addiction with the years of neglect and psychological abuse he suffered at the hands of his parents, it all makes sense. So then Kevin gets arrested but as he’s only 16 and with the authorities aware of his traumatic upbringing, he gets a light sentence and he’s out by the age of 30. At which point he teams up with another burglar, Cole Sear, who is the kid out of the Sixth Sense and they spend their days robbing houses.
The kid out of the Sixth Sense is the other Wet Bandit?
Of course! The guy has been seeing dead people since he was 9 years old, he’s going to be an absolute nutcase when he grows up and Haley Joel is really looking forward to reprising the role.
Wow. This looks set to be quite the movie. Anything else to add?
Sure. We’re going to digitally de-age Drew Barrymore and she’ll play the 8-year old lead, Katie McAllister.
Drew Barrymore is playing an 8 year old? Come on…
Seriously. She’s a great actress, she has plenty of experience of being chased around by creepy old men and she’s short!
HOME ALONE REMAKE IS DUE 2020