lindsay lohan

HOLLYWOOD – The Herbie Fully Loaded star, Lindsay Lohan has called it quits today. ‘I’m basically famous for being a f*ck up,’ she told Ellen DeGeneres. ‘And no sane person wants to continue to facilitate that story.’

The Canyons star said that she would no longer be appearing in reality shows, films or television chat shows:

This is my last public appearance. And my last public utterance. I won’t do interviews, appearances, fashion shoots. To paraphrase Richard Nixon, you’re not going to have Lindsay Lohan to kick around anymore.

The retirement – which takes effect immediately- seems to have taken the media completely by surprise and footage from the Ellen Degeneres Show was immediately excised and deleted. All reference to the retirement has been expunged from public record and mainstream media outlets such as Variety and Hollywood Reporter are refusing to cover the story. 

Rumors already abound that Ms. Lohan will be replaced by a replicant who will fulfill the public need for a young rich waster with a car crash of a life to gawp at and will never be satisfied, as the real Lyndsay Lohan is quietly moved to Canada. 

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