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Friday 17 August 2018
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LEONARDO DICAPRIO BUYS MOON

LEONARDO DICAPRIO BUYS MOON

HOLLYWOOD – Leonardo DiCaprio has bought the Moon.

Departed and Revenant star Leonardo DiCaprio bought the Moon yesterday.

In a statement issued by DiCaprio’s agent, the actor declared the following:

As a lifelong conservationist, I have watched with despair as the natural beauties of our planet have been despoiled by corporations and individuals. The new Trump administration is only the latest in a long line of politicians who have preferred to put short term political goals before the survival of other species and the eco-system.

As a consequence, I have decided to buy the Moon. I have sole property rights now and will be going there to live in the next decade or so. And no one else is going to be invited. You can all fuck off. I’m going to have a moon base and a very powerful telescope so I can watch the rest of you assholes drowning in the rising oceans, or fighting bloody wars over shrinking resources. I might let Jim Cameron visit. He says he wants to visit the Sea of Tranquility. The asshole thinks it’s an actual sea.

God, he’s dumb.

NASA have said that they sold DiCaprio the Moon last Tuesday by accident, when one of their employees put it on eBay.

Leonardo DiCaprio will next appear in Space 1999: The Motion Picture.

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